Dear Women's Figure Skating,

I realize that you are all very talented women. Very athletic and flexible. I understand that I will never be able to do what you do on the ice, or anywhere. In fact, I rarely skate on the ice at all, and can barely steer or brake when I do.

On that note, please realize that I just want to help when I say that this move is pretty and graceful.

However, I reserve to dislike this next move. I understand it is a very difficult move and shows great skill. But, please quit coming at me with your hoo-ha.

Yours Cordially,

Jordan