New Years Resolution(s)

Last Sunday’s sacrament meeting consisted of my parents talking, mostly on the annual “New Year’s Resolutions.” However, before they spoke the Bishop got up to say that he was going to call up a few visitors to give a quick testimony, mainly as it related to resolutions. When I heard that I did what you always do when the situation arises for “volunteers,” which I think of as unprovoked attacks, including when a professor calls on you—look away. Do NOT make eye contact. Luckily he called up two others, but my mind raced for something to say just in case he did call me up.

Resolutions, resolutions…the first thing to pop into my head was: get married. I’m pretty sure that is what my family wanted me to say. Except for one particular family member who likes making fun of my single status too much. I’m good with my single status, possibly forever. However, I do remember a few years ago when I had my first real legal internship where I was ready to concentrate on my career and not even worry about a relationship or a social life…then I sadly remembered I SUCKED at working! It was a hard day that day.

My sister tries to teach me how to flirt, because I’ll admit, I suck at that as well. My brother tried to tell me things to help me out, and I realize and admit that I do everything wrong. I don’t go out on the weekends, and if I do, it’s with a group of girls and we watch chick flicks in someone’s apartment. I don’t like making new friends, and I am way to picky (although I think it’s a legitimate thing to be picky about who you date.) I seem to like only boys who don’t like me, and if a boy does like me, I sincerely think something is wrong with them. My friend says I must have psychological problems. She’s probably right. So, I find it completely hopeless to have a resolution on this subject entirely.

Grades are a wash. My only goal (and has been since first semester grades came out) was to keep my cumulative GPA above a 2.7. It’s the only thing that stands between me and graduation. (Although, my main strategy here is still to pray before and during a test that God will direct my pen. This is even harder as we take our tests on computers.) I guess that counts as a resolution.

Job. Fingers crossed on an actual legal job! I’m pretty sure I could get a job at Barnes & Noble, or Borders, or a janitor at a local high school. I just need to make enough to keep my car payments up. It might be my new home! Also, some people in the family are destined to be rich, and have been offering positions for me to be their nanny. This has gone on for a little bit, and no one thinks it at all amiss that me with my JD would be a nanny. This is also a pointless area to focus on.

The ever popular: weight loss. No comment.

So, I guess this means no resolutions this year. I’ll just stay my positive and sunny self! 2009 is going to be ok…probably!

World's Tiniest Violin

My family was going down memory lane these past weeks. First, we mentioned how certain family members were named after people. Mom and dad can remember pretty much whom everyone was named for. John, my oldest brother, came to us as John, his middle name was named after a boxer. Brooktynn was named after my dad's friend and a basketball player. Meredith after two friends, Carlos, after said boxer, Sara after a song and a family member, Lexi was after a singer, Ruben after the law school and dad. When I ask why I was named Jordan Lyndsay. Complete blank. And people think being a middle child isn't so bad.

So, as I ask my dad one more time if he remembers at all why he liked the names Jordan or Lyndsay, I got the courage to ask a question. Growing up my dad also nicknamed me Peaches. I always thought it was because I was pretty as a peach or something cute. A few weeks ago, someone said Dad called her Peaches because she was hairy like a peach. To say the least, it ruined being called peaches for me. Mom and dad just laughed and told me that was NOT why they named me Peaches.

That gave me the courage to ask a question that has traumatized me over the years. Once when I was little and in Primary, there was the yearly primary program. My oldest sister got a solo to sing, and that is when another sibling told me: They asked mom if you wanted to sing too, but she hit the low note on the piano over and over again and told them that is how you sang.

I love being middle child.

I don't mean to be dramatic

But I would rather be shot in the face rather than be outside in Omaha again!

It is FREEZING!

People would always ask me, "Is it cold in Omaha?" And I would reply something to the effect of, "Not any worse than here." I lied. It is way worse here in Nebraska!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Adios Amigas

Since 1L year there have been a group of the six of us. Jennifer Tarazon, Jennifer Fuentes (Langi), Natalia Martins (Merino), Ankitha Satyam, Liz Liljenquist, and myself. We were the brown girls + Liz! Two of my best friends have now graduated and are leaving BYU for good! Ankitha is going to Las Vegas, and Jenn T is going to Los Angeles. They survived BYU and living amongst the Mormons!

Ankitha, Me, Liz, Jen F, Natalia, Naseem, Jenn T


I remember meeting Ankitha the first day of law school orientation, and we were in the same group touring the building. We even got carrels next to each other. After walking back from the key office and putting our stuff in our carrels I remember turning to her and asking, "If the professor calls on me and I don't know the answer, will you still be my friend?" (which I should have said, WHEN and not IF) I also remember when Ankitha told us she called all the bookstores in the area to find a cheaper Property textbook, including Deseret Book!

I met Jenn mid year. Jenn works hard for what she gets, but I do recall a conversation about how her parents bought her brother a new car, and she wasn't too happy about it. Then the question was asked, "What kind of car do you drive?" Came the reply, "A Lexus..." Jenn was my law school prom "date" first year. The best one so far! (and not just because she didn't have a Chester the Child Molester Mustache!)
My law school career so far is full of memories with these girls! This last semester wont be the same without them!

Son of a Nutcracker!

This morning I woke up, (and by morning I mean noon) and it was SNOWING! Usually, I think that unless there is a chance you get to get a snow day, then snow isn't that awesome. Its cold and harder to drive in, but today it actually wasn't so bad. It made it feel more like Christmas. (FYI, sitting in a library all day studying for finals does NOT help create a holiday spirit).

So, it was nice to feel the holiday cheer. Then, our ward rented busses up to Temple Square to see the lights. It reminded me of all those times growing up when we went on Temple trips to Chicago or St. Louis and we took the busses. (Its a much more pleasant memory than the time my work in DC took us to a leadership training thing at Gettysburg and the busses STANK!--2 hours each way of sitting/sleeping with my nose plugged!)

It was freezing, but fun. We were supposed to go to the Joseph Smith movie, but we arrived too late. So me and my roommate went to the Beehive House and took a tour. Not the usual route, but it was still fun. Then we wandered around. Like I said, super cold, but fun.

The Last Shall Be First, and the First is the Last

Today was my last final. It was also my first. It was very anti-climactic. What am I going to do with my nights now? I've made a small list.

Read a book.
Watch TV.
Finally hang up my laundry I've laid on my chair.
Finally clean my car.
Make myself dinner.
Do laundry.

Any other suggestions?

Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure is why I am at school right now instead of on my bed watching episodes of The Office and 30 Rock.

Stupid Finals.

I have work to do, I should probably do it. But technically I only have one final...so why am I at school!? One of life's great questions.

Peer Pressure. Studying--Everyone is doing it!

I should probably get back to going over my outline.

Yep, this is how we do it. Study like a law student!

Why I Will Never Be Alone

I have my niece. Yes, since I am now last of the Zendejas' in Provo to be married, when we go to dinner as a family the couples are paired off, and I'm--seating wise-- paired off with my cute niece Charley. We are tight.

This weekend my sister Brooktynn was in town visiting her in-laws with her new husband. She came down on Saturday to hang out. While we were all sitting in Meredith & Ben's living room they began to play a game. Its the game where you say, "My Daddy!" or "My Mommy!" This gets Charley jealous and she cries out, "No, MY mommy/daddy!" and she fights you for them. With Brooktynn and Ryan there, they also began to play "My Ryan!"

I guess she got tired of fighting. So when Meredith and Ben and Brooktynn all claim their spouses, and wait for Charley to fight, Charley just walks up to me and gives me a hug saying,

"MY NorNin!"

(NorNin=Jordan, for all those in the know).

Smart little girl! It was super cute.

A Holiday Pick-Me-Up

So, yesterday was my first Thanksgiving without my parents. If I don't go home, my parents have been known to come to Utah, where I've been living since 2003. But yesterday I hung out with Meredith and Ben, and Charley, and Ben's Aunt Kay. It was fun. I ate way too much. I could feel myself gaining weight.

We also had a Thanksgiving ham, since Ben doesn't really like turkey, and there is no point making a turkey for 3. Not to mention, its a little easier to cook a ham.

I spent the night at Ben & Meredith's, and in the morning Meredith and I went shopping. In the afternoon I went home and ran a few errands. One stop was the Orem Walmart. I saw a car's lights on, so I assumed the car was leaving, and I waited a few moments. The car didn't move, and then I noticed an empty spot next to the car. So, I pull in, but NOW the car decides to pull out. But I quickly just park and leave him plenty of space. Then, the car starts to park again, and I assume he is just adjusting his car. Which, all I can say about it, is that its old, and a guy with dark hair is driving it.

Anyways, I come out of Walmart, and get in my car. And that is when I notice it. A note. All I can think is, crap. Some lame-oid guy just wrote me a note to yell at me, like I parked too close, or I pulled in when he tried to pull out or something rude and lame. So, I grab the note and this is what it says:

Hi,
I wanted to say hi but I was leaving as you were headed in. You are beautiful and I would love to get to know you. Please send me a text or give me a call. Hope to hear from you.
Tim

I thought it was hilarious. Not really hilarious, but quite amusing. This guy must be crazy. And a little blind. I had my hair pulled back with a head band because I had not washed it for 2 days, no make-up, and a BYU Law Hoodie. Trust me, I looked like a hag. If Clinton & Stacey saw me they'd book me a flight to NYC asap. This just shows how crazy/desperate this guy must be.

The question:
Do I text him back and become the next inspirational story behind Law & Order SVU?
OR
Do I safely ignore him. (I'm leaning to this. I'm pretty sure my sisters will lean towards the SVU option).

Black Wednesday

I might be a little dramatic, but I have nothing left to live for.

Flag Football broke up with me last night.

We are out of the tournament, and no more flag football. My head hurts, and my leg hurts, and I have scratches on my hands. I'm sure my head hurts because of the depression.

Ah, the depression.

We had a good run. Undefeated season. Top 6 teams. We should have won!

Here is my feelings on this break up, courtesy of Michael Scott.

Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have
got your back, after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you
were nothing but great to your ho. And you told her she was the only ho for you.
And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then...
suddenly she's not your ho no mo'.

For Seriousness?!

For a good recap go to http://www.honorindians.com/

But, Timpview High School in Provo decided their mascot was a little tired looking...so they changed it from The Thunderbirds to a Kachina doll. Which, 1) is not logical, and 2) is quite offensive. I mean, its a religious figure. Who changes their mascot TO something offensive? What kind of idiot do you have to be. And, regardless of your position on Indians and Mascots, this is making their Native American students feel hurt and offended. Whatever their intent was--to "honor," --the real thing misses the mark.

So, Principal Bayles:

In a day where people are trying to be more politically correct and more aware of other races, why would anyone change their mascot TO something offensive? The goal for many Native Americans who have taken Indian Mascots to court was to get rid of the offensive mascots, not create more!

If you were afraid your Thunderbird mascot needed to be updated, update the bird--NOT change it entirely!

The statement that your mascot “honors” Indians is completely untrue. If you knew how seriously the Native American people take their history and culture you would not use any part of it for your entertainment. This is a Kachina doll, a religious symbol. It is to be used respectfully, and not to be on display for amusement at high school sports arenas. It is very disrespectful and not at all honorable.

How could an educational institution, whose mission statement is to help "build responsible life-long learners who exemplify integrity" put their own Native American students through this? This is rude, humiliating, and infuriating. I’m sure if you spent as much time asking the Native Americans or even looking up what a Kachina doll is to them, as you did making the offensive mascot, I’m sure you wouldn’t have started.

Please get rid of this offensive mascot as soon as you can.

Here are some quotes to think about:

"The Problem in the Non-Indian Community is that many profess a desire to honor Indians, generally through the use of Indian mascots, but in reality, know very little about Indian tribes and tribal members. Usually what they profess to know, is either very little or very wrong. It is difficult to hold someone in high respect and/or esteem, if you know very little about them." Honorindians.com

"Schools and universities are places of learning. These mascots are teaching stereotypical, misleading and, too often, insulting images of American Indians. And these negative lessons are not just affecting American Indian students; they are sending the wrong message to all students."

"An educational institution's mission is to educate, not mis-educate, and to alleviate the ignorance behind racist stereotypes, not perpetuate them and to provide a nondiscriminatory environment for all its students, conducive to learning."

"Imitation, it is said, is the highest for of flattery. But when it is viewed in the eyes of those being portrayed as hostile and abusive—no matter how well-intended—imitation becomes the lowest form of disrespect and insult."

If you want to leave a comment, please leave on at http://www.honorindians.com/ or send me an email and I'll get it to some people collecting letters to give to the school.

Diwali-the Other Indian Celebration

So, its been awhile since I actually went to Diwali, but my camera has lately been a spaz and I finally got some photos from my friend Liz.

Ankitha is my lovely friend from California, but has parents who are from India, and they are currently living there now. We've had many philosophical debates about who is the real Indian? Apparently she is still really offended. Between the both of us, the only thing we like about Columbus are his holiday sales.

Well, Diwali came to the Hare Krishna temple in cultural Spanish Fork, UT, and so we decided to make a trip of it. A few people from school came, but it was basically Liz, Ankitha and I. Ankitha was really excited to dress us up in traditional Indian clothes. And at first, I thought it would be really cool. I mean, they are gorgeous and Indians are gorgeous.

Then, I thought, would I just look like a white girl dressing up? Would I become the people I make fun of?

Ankitha said there are lots of people who dress up who aren't Indian. My response: Yes, but do they look ridiculous?

In the end, Liz and I dressed up. At first Ankitha wanted to put me in a Sari, but she forgot that I was 6 inches and all around a bit bigger than she. At first she thought it would be fine, and no, I did not look like a sausage roll. Then I refused to stretch her things out. So she had me put on a Kurtha (I think that is how you spell it.) The top was slightly tight, but the pants were like hammer pants. Pretty much a one size fits all.

It ended up being pretty fun, and we even learned the Garba. Pretty sure I wasn't the best dancer there. It was a pretty fun night all around. Here is Liz, Ankitha, Me, and Boey's Wife Christine (I hope that is how you spell her name).

PS. What did I learn that night? Something about dracula and lust...(super weird/awkward play, you had to be there)

Did You Know?

I was Miss Indian BYU

Its true. I'm pretty important. Royalty even. I just like to tell people in case they forgot. And I like to tell new people.

Like in class, a speaker came with old notebooks from the back of a storage closet. One was a tiny notebook that said Four Corners Conference, because they had a conference in Four Corners area with the Native American population. You only got these handy dandy notebooks if you made comments, so of course I said, "Oooh! I am Native American!" And that counted, and I got a notebook.

Then, he brought out another Four Corners notepad, only it was bigger and cooler! And so, I was even more enthralled. I raised my hand again, and he asked me what I could say to make him give me that awesome piece of notebook. I of course replied, "I was Miss Indian BYU!" And then the room was silent in awe.

He was like, "Really?" and I was like, "Uh, yeah! 2004-2005! I am Royalty!" And he's like, prove it. So I was like, fine.

I busted out this picture, and I googled myself. All there, in black and white and color print!

Told you I was awesome!

End of the story: he gave me both notebooks, the big and the small. Oh yeah, I'm that cool.

President Smezident

The BIG news tonight is that Blackacre Blitz WON against Hades Ladies, and they can go back down to you know where!

The night didn't start out so hot. We were so blasted cold and NERVOUS--being our first game in the upper division with actual competition. And then the other team got a quick first touchdown... but it all came together the second half. And, I'd like to thank the other team for being so--how to say nicely--bratty. We got angry soon. And we play better angry.

They pushed, shoved, ran into us and fell...and then WHINED! (And the oscar for best dramatic performance goes to....)

By half time the score was 12 to 6. Then our coach came. He calmed us down second half, gave us great pointers, and basically got us pumped and ready. We got our second touchdown, including the extra points! Then interception! And with 6 seconds to go Nikki literally just ran out the clock!

It was a pretty intense game. Many lost their voice. We were jumping up and down as we rushed the field--like it was a final game win! My good ol' friend from Jr. High days was there. I bet she never in her wildest dreams thought how serious intramural flag football games were! Oh, the yellow flags they were a flying!

We are so awesome! (Marie--this was for you! Get better soon! We need your tight end--uh, we need our tight end back!)

T-shirts, here we come!

Keys On Main

This weekend some of the girls decided we needed so badly to get out of Provo. Unfortunately, due to lack of funds, a quick trip to Hawaii was out of the question. We settled for a night in SLC.

So, Saturday we met at the law school and drove up to a Piano Bar thingy. It was fun, you requests songs and they play it. It is more fun than it sounds. Especially when you tell them its a friend's birthday and make them dance on the stage to Baby Got Back.

We get to SLC, we park, we stand on a street corner waiting for the other car to find a parking spot. A cop pulls over and we are pretty sure we are standing on a corner, but we are NOT hookers! Luckily, he went to talk to the homeless man behind us. We walk over to Keys On Main, and Jen Ha tells us all "ID's!" which I heard as "High Knees!" When did we start a workout?

Basically, the night was fun. The End.

Halloween at Jen's

Last year Jenn Tarazon had one awesome Halloween party, and this year she did it again--while dressed as Cinderella!

We danced, we ate too much food, (that could just have been me!) and we threatened to steal babies (that one I share with Ankitha).

At one point I held a little lion & a lamb. I thought it was cute. Although, it prompted my friend to say, "Ah, Jordan, always the aunt." She meant no harm I suppose, but it sounded to me as though I was forever a bridesmaid...

These pictures are stolen, as my camera isn't working. But the top is me, the lamb, and Marie, and next is Kari--as herself, Natalia as a 50s cheerleader, and a stewardess!

Halloween at the Law School!

This was my last year for the law school halloween party! Lets just say you know you HAD to be at BYU because the parade of children's costumes took at least a 1/2 hour!

Yesterday our Blackacre Blitz coach/captain sent out an email suggesting we all wear our Blitz outfits, with heels. I was going to do that anyway (the heels, not blackacre). Some of these people don't often wear heels. My closet is almost exclusively heels, how can people not wear them all the time? I don't feel attractive without them.

And yes, I went to my domestic violence class (with guest speaker) still wearing the outfit because 1) I didn't bring other clothes 2) I didn't feel like going home and changing 3) if I took off the headband there'd be a line on my forehead 4) if I washed off the black marks I'd have to wash the entire face and reapply makeup...basically I was too lazy.

And YES, I am wearing legwarmers, and YES, we were the loudest ones to cheer for ourselves! We are our own biggest fans. We think we're awesome!

I'm Ready!

So, some of you know that I have a slight obsession with The Office. While thinking of the upcoming tournament I know we have the uniform. We have the face paint. We have the ability, all we need is some good smack talk. But don't worry, I remembered these gems of wisdom from Kelly, modified.

Your team is so weak, you need steroids just to watch football.

Were your parents first cousins that were also bad at football?

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend! 'Cause! 'Cause! 'Cause! 'Cause! 'Cause she sucks at football!

And just for fun:
I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical like, your momma's so fat she could eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like, you're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.

I think Shakespeare said it best

When he wrote

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and
some have greatness thrust upon them". - (Twelfth Night, Act II, Scene V).

Lets just say, for our flag football team, Blackacre Blitz, greatness was obviously THRUST upon us. . . we have the bruises to prove it!

On this historical night, Tuesday, the twentieth of October, in the year of our LORD two-thousand eight, we ended the season UNDEFEATED! Bring on the tournament!

I’d just like to thank our captain, Nikki, for leading us into the black (Blood alone moves the wheels of history! We are warriors!). Maggie for her swivel hips that can get past 20 girls. All the rest of the girls (sorry to not name you personally—there are too many) but you are all AWESOME. I’d also like to specially thank our unofficial coaches (one in particular might have to remain nameless) as well as Dennis Pitta and Fui Vakapuna for wearing those wigs and filling in one night—you make ugly women, but you can sure get the ball down the field!

BLACKACRE BLITZ: WE OWN YOU…IN FEE SIMPLE (ABSOLUTE!)

Weak Arms

Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him.
Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their
kind. Also, weak arms.
Dwight Schrute

My brother told me that my posts have started to sound bitter. I'm not, but I guess I can see his point. But, it also gave me a moment to remember this gem of a quote from The Office.

Also, I have a few friends still interviewing. In fact, one is in an interview this very moment. Whenever I'm in an interview and they ask me this:

"So, what are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?"

I always am tempted to say:

"My arms"

All Dressed Up

This weekend I got to dress up twice. On Friday, I forgot how much I despise UMBA, but still went to their event for free food. It was fun talking with friends, but these lawyers haven't found a microphone they didn't like.

Saturday I slept in, returned a yoga mat that wasn't really a yoga mat even though the wrapping said it was. Then I bought a fake gun because...

It was Sophie's first birthday party, and YES, it was a costume party. She's a little witch who loves her cake!

So, my friend Liz wasn't sure of what to be since Fili, (aka the daddy and law school friend) threatened to make us wear ugly costumes if we didn't bring our own. At first she was like, "I'll just be a serial killer, and I'll just Wear black nail polish and a hoodie." To which I had to reply, "To a CHILD'S first birthday party!?" She then decided to be Elphaba from Wicked.

And, then I decided to be something more child appropriate--a mofia princess/mobster/person with a gun. It was based off the shoes I bought. I had to wear them with something. AND I like guns. I hope to shoot one someday. Not at a person (just to be clear). So, perfect fit. And that is what I did this weekend.

Addendum

Hey, thanks NM firm for calling and trying to be friends, but here's one fact, when you reject a girl, she does NOT want to continue being friends. So, please quit calling, I'm glad you think I'll go somewhere "special," you can rest easy because this call definitely makes you the good guy, but don't really want to hear it.

Does that sound bitter? I'm really not. I just don't like being rejected in person.

situation 1: I got tickets to a football game just before it started. I had extras and called friends and anyone in my phone (practically). Most didn't pick up, some had plans already, etc. But eventually I found people to come. However, during all this a boy calls me. First of all, I didn't have his number, so when I picked up the phone and ask, "Who am I speaking to?" please don't tell me to guess. Then, please don't inform me that you know I wanted to call you, but you are sorry to say you are too busy to go. That is going out of your way to reject me.

situation 2: (same guy) We are talking at school. He tells me, "I want to be a trophy husband. That's why you and I would never work out. We're both too lazy, we'd never get anything done." Because, I talked to you, ergo I clearly want to marry you, but you want to warn me in advance not to give my heart to you. Once again, thank you for rejecting me. I'm not even interested, but thank you for nipping that in the bud. Also, thanks for calling me lazy. Even if I am (which, lets face it, I kind of am) you don't tell me that to my face.

Why do people find it necessary to reject me to my face? All I need is a notarized note.

You're not a complete loser!

I asked, "Am I going to Lose Her?"

--Rachel and Chandler, FRIENDS

Its like a flash back in war. 2L year you interview for jobs on campus, you wait and wait and hope and beg for a job...and no one gives you one. You finally go elsewhere and can finally find someone stupid enough to hire you. Once again I went through the interviewing process. Then I even took the next step. I got a call back! And even though I really didn't want to move to New Mexico, I was excited for the free trip.

And seeing the title, I don't think any of you readers thinks this ends well...I'll just make it clear. I did not get the job. And like I said, I didn't really want it, but I would have at least wanted to have the ability to reject them. At least now I don't have to feel bad about telling them no.

And then right after hearing from the New Mexico firm, I got an email from the Vegas firm saying, "there were many qualified applicants, but you weren't one of them." I wasn't really depressed, but who likes being rejected? But, it was a good excuse to finally eat my chocolate symphony bar. Pretending to be depressed isn't really that fun when you are on a diet though. I felt the worst for eating my chocolate bar over being rejected.

PS. both the interviewers were classmates of my dad. This is the 3rd time that someone interviewed me who asked if I was Ed's daughter. And NONE of them have hired me. Daddy, I love you, but your friends are LAME!

The Birth of a Star...

Is what my bruise looks like. The blues and purples and fuschias are deeper, and the middle is all yellow and makes me look like I have jaundice. We played another game, and it was a little disappointing to say that all I got was a tiny bruise on the other leg. We won, of course, even though we had half our team because--

Last week was placement break, aka, free break to interview and catch up, but in reality sleep in and do nothing. It was nice because my family came into town with my niece and instead of being interrupted by class I could play.

However, Saturday was Homecoming, and I had to be in the parade. It was cold, and I had to layer on the layers. I was a little embarrassed to be out in public looking the way I did, but too late now! Afterwards, my niece Bella kept telling me I "look like a boy!" Which just brings back bad memories of my childhood.

Battle Wounds: Love/Hate

So, I am linebacker in Flag Football. We have basically shut out the three teams we have gone up against, which is awesome, but now the refs are asking why we are in the lower division. How were we supposed to know we'd dominate?

In any case, this Thursday we played a team of bottle blonde short shorts girls. The only time they made it past the "50 yard line" was at the very end when we took out our best players and let girls play any position they wanted without ever having played it before. They started playing rough when they got mad that they sucked. Like, elbowing anyone in their area. Falling on people. Speaking of, I grabbed flags off a girl, who fell, and their team members wanted a foul asking, "can we tackle now?" Um, I think she nearly fell on me! Plus, I wanted to ask, "are we allowed to get drunk at BYU now?" This girl was ALWAYS falling! Even when no one was around, and she fell like Harvey Unga, she just took out people (if they were nearby) as she fell, and she fell hard being a little chunkier. One of these times was right into my leg. Now there is a huge bruise on the entire right side of my left leg. Its like, softball size ball, with an ice-cream cone shape. (Not sure if I should post pictures of this lovely bruise--I guess I am!).

I love battle wounds. But, the next day I had to dress up and attend an Alumni conference for BYU Law as part of my SBA and work duties. And since my dress pants are long, and thus require heels, lets just say I was limping a bit. It hurt to use my calf muscle at all. But on the bright side, the swelling of the bruise makes it look like my calf muscle is bigger, making at least one leg shapely (if you look beyond the green/yellow/purple coloring).

So, it hurts to walk, but cool to show off. And now, I have a call back interview on Tuesday, and I'm not sure if they'll appreciate fully my battle wound. I wonder how much black nylons can hide.

Kari, a new alumnus, with me at the Conference. It was gorgeous up in the mountains!

The Last Of...

“When Indians go, they don’t come back! Last of the Mohicans, Last of the Winnebagos…
--Shut Up, Thomas!”

I’m the last of the single Zendejas’ in Provo, and it is awesome. When we go out to eat as a family I am paired up with baby Charley. When they ask how the check is split, its easy for me, I just tell her I’m alone. And best of all, not only do my parents worry about my single status, but so does the rest of the married siblings, their spouses, and even my youngest sister Lexi is putting the pressure on. (On account of the fact she wants to drive and wont get to until I’m off the car insurance—pretty sure that is just a ruse on my parent’s part. Like when we wanted toys as kids and they would tell us we could have it when it was, “on sale and we had lots of money.”)

I get lots of attention now, being the family project. People want to monitor me as I’m out, film it, and review it later to achieve better results. They want to set me up on blind dates, make me look sluttier, put ads up on “social networking sites,” and all manner of desperate acts that don’t make me look too desperate, “in hopes that someone will love me…”
All true stories by the way.

Ah, this is my beloved new sister Karly: “Jordan, I love you, but there is something wrong with you!” Quite possibly true. If only I liked cats.

Best Birthday Gift EVER!

So, about a week ago, the 17th was my birthday. It was a magical day. It started the night before after the football game when my friend Marie produced the huge Costco cupcakes and the team sang to me. And I ate 2 cupcakes worth of frosting, and then felt a little sick.

Here I am looking like a hunch-backed old lady.

Then I woke up to my phone ringing at 7:30am and my mom wishing me happy birthday. (PS, I’m not complaining, but why do we celebrate the person who was given birth to, instead of the woman who gave birth. She did the work here, ours was a passive experience. So, thanks mom! For going thru 39 hours of labor, or however long. I’ve been thinking about that for some time. I still enjoy the party, lets just not get that wrong) Then I hear my phone ring at 8:30 and decide its really time to get up and I get a call and a happy birthday from my sister Brooktynn who just moved to Phoenix with her new husband Ryan. She’s a big cheese lawyer now.
Now, I’m at school and I sit down, when Stacey Nancy Jumps over the carrels to surprise me, as well as give me an early heart attack! Then Another friend, Jenn, came walking down the law school hall towards me with balloons in hand. There were so many that the little Reese’s couldn’t hold it down, and it floated away. She was thinking what would be the most embarrassing present, and she got it. Then she remembered she had to bring it to school…

Later that night I went out to dinner with the family, and not that that wasn’t the best part of the day, but I must say, my most favorite present (using the term loosely) was when Eric gave me a virus via zoo porn (and by virus I mean Computer, not Hepatitis). He loves it when I say that without explaining it, because its not like its regular porn, it ends up sounding like some creepy fetish. But he had an article published in a Law Journal about pornography he wrote for an Internet Decency class. Apparently while cite checking the article, the editors realized that the website he used was no longer active, and he had to find it again. While talking to him, he sent me the link. He refuses to believe that his link gave me a virus, but 2 porn icons on my computer that wouldn’t go away didn’t just show up there on its own! Thanks to my brother in-law Ben, I was able to get the virus out and my computer seems fine now, without having to wipe my computer clean. Thanks Ben. I’m pretty sure BYU was monitoring my computer. I’m just surprised the Honor Code Gestapo didn’t come and confiscate my computer.

PS. While walking to class a few days later, a male classmate was asking why he didn’t get an invite to dinner. I asked him, “Well, are you a brother or sister or a spouse thereof?” To which he replied, “I’m more.” I’m like, really? Did you just propose? And then it dawned on him, oh, it was with the family. Yes.
So, no, I didn’t think he was actually proposing, so NO, Lexi. No driving for you anytime soon.

(This last part reminded me when I was in DC with a summer program, and my male friend Jordan and I were in class, and he wrote me a note saying “I owe You” but the way he wrote it looked like “Love you.” It created an awkward laugh.)

The Second Coming

So, nothing celestial, unless its our game playing. (For me, at least) It is the second season of Flag Football. Can we say, A-Ma-Zing. If my future job does not offer a flag football team, I'll be very sad. In fact, that might be a question I ask on my next call back, "what kind of intramural sports do you offer?"

But really, we have an awesome team. Its the basic team from last year, mainly 3Ls, one 2L, and a few friends who happen to be awesome at sports. Tonight was our first game, and we won-almost like BYU v. UCLA, but only if UCLA got a pity touchdown. We have matching shirts this year, displaying our team name and motto: BLACKACRE BLITZ: We own you...In Fee Simple (yes we are huge law nerds). My contribution was the facepaint. Here we are pre game. And can I say Debbie is like Dara Torres, giving inspiration to all preggo women out there. You too can be amazing at flag football!

YEAH! Flag Football is awesome. Check out how ready Marie is to dominate! But can I say that the rules seem to have changed...like the no tackling rule... I was totally tackled tonight! I'm not sure what position exactly I play. I know I am a few feet back from the line, center, and I concentrate on what the QB does (any helpers out there?) Anyways, tonight I intercept the ball when I feel myself being pushed, and a few feet later, under 3 girls in red shirts. I'm sorry, all I thought you had to do was pull my flags off... oh well, I love battle wounds! My entire right side is a little sore from their bony bodies crashing on me, and I bled a little after grabbing a flag (don't tell the refs).

Enjoy this image. And be afraid of Blackacre Blitz, because we really do own you, but not in a slave kind of way, but more like we're-going-to-beat-you-and-pull-your-pants-down kind of way.

How to Offend Women in 5 Syllables or Less

So, I know we shouldn't be offended about every little thing, but already I want to punch 2 guys from my ward.

From a previous post about my first Sunday there came the guy who, when he found out I was Native American, asked if I had picked up my money yet this week.

Here's another first. I was at my first small group FHE and we played 2 truth's and a lie to introduce ourselves. I said:
1. I dated a Fijian prince. (Lie, I just knew one from Living Legends)
2. I was Miss Indian BYU (got the sash to prove it!)
3. I was a third year law student

Anyways, afterwards this guy comes up to me to talk about law school. He asks, "Wow, isn't it hard to get into law school?"

And what am I supposed to say about that? Yes, but I'm very smart, so not for me? I want to be like Elle Woods when Warner asks her if she was in Harvard Law and she says, "like, its hard?"

Anyway, I'm standing there going, yeah, I'm in law school, I guess its hard to get in--
when he says:

Man, you have to be black or a woman to get in!

I hate you.

Did you seriously just say that to me?

I'm done with you too!

PS. The guy who asked me if I picked up my Indian Money is also in my FHE group. FHE will be super fun, and by fun I mean a constant battle of trying not to kick boys in the balls. I may or may not go often to FHE.

I'm a Hot Mess

Today was an interesting day to say the least.

I woke up early this morning with the fear that since the financial aide office was taking so long in getting me my money, they had decided I didn’t want it and was deleting all my classes…

I can’t go back to bed, so I get ready for the day, which includes getting ready for an interview. I make sure my suit looks nice and I decide not to wear it to school, but to change in the bathroom. I go to class where the professor’s hypo is me starting a firm in Pleasant Grove, and makes Marie my clerk. Only in a hypo would Marie ever be working for me…and in PG. I have to leave early for the interview and I go to the bathroom to change into my suit, when I realize: I left my black shoes at home. And, while my giraffe shoes are cute, they 1) do NOT match my black suit, and 2) are not in any way appropriate for an interview (Contrary to what Legally Blonde might make you think).

So I do what any logical girl would do and I run around the law school looking for a friend with black shoes on. I finally find a Melinda, who is wearing black shoes and graciously lets me borrow them. (THANKS!) They are cute- but being more sandal-ish and a size too big- are not the best shoes for me. But being the idiot who didn’t bring her own shoes I can’t complain. I just hoped that the interviewers wouldn’t look at my feet. Then as I am 2 minutes away from the interview, out walks Laura, who having just interviewed herself, lets me borrow her shoes, and they are closer to my size. (THANKS!)

The interview is ok. But they ask me where I see myself in 5 years, and I basically say, “I have no idea…working.” Basically.

Well, after the interview is the SBA OPENING SOCIAL! YAY! And being on the SBA and a participant in the Olympic Opening Ceremonies (as was the theme) I ran to change back into my jeans and giraffe shoes and into the moot court room.

So, here is the deal. There is food and games. Each game has a person from each class, and there are judges and each class is then ranked. First game: Rhythmic Gymnastics. Score: Gold 2L, Silver 1L, Bronze 3L. Second Game: Q-tip Javelin throw, and if you hit a 1L in the eye, extra points! Score: Gold 3L, Silver 1L, Bronze 2L. So now the scores are all tied up.

Now is the Synchronized Swimming. Apparently I am doing that event, and I wonder how I am supposed to do it alone…when the 1L team shows up, all three of them! They do a nice, yet Macarena dance routine that does not astound the judges. They get the Bronze, and the 1L class is Bronze overall.

During this time I am trying to figure out who is on my team and if we should at least try to figure out a rough routine to go off of. During this time, the 2L team shows up, obviously they cheated and knew ahead of time what their event was and had practiced a routine. Lame. They do a so-so piece, but then this tiny man (much like the 14 year old Chinese Olympians) does a back-flip off the desk, which earns them high marks.

So, it is up to me, Shaina, and Laura to figure out a routine in 2 seconds that can compete with a back flip, while wearing uggo hair caps. So, Shaina and Laura are figuring out what to do, and I am trying to convince them to dance on the long desk in front of the moot court room. It’s our only chance! Then they tell me that they will synchronize and I should just be the piece of flair in the center.

So, they start out synchronized arm waving, and then I pop up with jazz hands from behind the long desk. Then, I make my move. I stomp on the desk with my fabulous shoes and do my best America’s Next Top Model strut down the desk, turn around, kick my shoes off (I guess no extra points this time for hitting a 1L-- otherwise we would have won!) From the haze I can remember, I begin doing the Running Man, some crazy dance move, I grab my ankle and do that move, then using my only arsenal of abilities to compete with a back flip, I do the splits—In JEANS no less, people! And without having stretched or attempted that in months! Then I get off the desk/stage as gracefully as I can, and then finish up the routine with Shaina and Laura. And with some more Jazz Hands we finish, and go down…and scene!

I thought it was fabulous. But the East German Judge, AKA biased 1L, and Biased UK judge Cliff, don’t give the 10s we need to win. LAME!

The 2Ls get gold, and the Awesome 3L class gets Alicia Sacramone’d on the Vault and gets Silver. Ah well.

In other news, people kept telling me it was a table dance. Don’t be jealous because you don’t have my moves!

And PS, I’m pretty sure that video will one day end up on youtube. Enjoy.

My Red Blood Runs True Blue

This weekend was amazing because not only was it the opening game of Cougar Football, but I scored some excellent seats on the 45 yard line...and in the shade no less! I called around and got Naseem, Liz, and Stacey Nancy to come with me to the game. Naseem was late because she couldn't find her BYU shirt, so she settled on a blue and white striped dress!

Anyways, it was a good game. WE WON! And even though there were frustrating moments, it turned out well. I LOVE me some Cougars!

PS. We had a friend who was thinking about setting me up with Dennis Pitta. On Sunday I was at Meredith and Ben's when the news came on and mentioned Hall's new brother-in-law Dennis Pitta. From Charley's bedroom where she was putting her down for the night yells Meredith, "That could have been you!" She'll never forgive me!

My First Sunday at the Santa B

So, friends, I have moved closer to campus and into the Santa Barbara. I was excited, because my brother lived here and LOVED it. This Sunday was my first Sunday and I was excited to see what the ward was like. I got home from hanging out and the grocery store Saturday night around 9, and I saw a tiny sheet taped to the door telling the apartment what time church started, etc. And it also reminded us that this Sunday would be a fast Sunday since next week would be regional conference.... Lame. I hadn't eaten dinner yet, and I didn't want to not eat again til Sunday at 9, so I decided not to truly fast. And I had bought treats! I at least figured I shouldn't bring them to church.

Also, our ward is in the MARB, which, if you know BYU campus, it is a building at the top of the hill, which means if there is parking nearby there is precious little of it. And thinking my apartment was closer to campus than it actually is, I decided to WALK to church. It was like, 5 blocks and a hill. And it was hot. And I was wearing heels. I decided I would drive and park as close as I could from now on.

Relief Society was first, and the bishop gave us the chastity/modesty/get married talk. Wow, what a start to the morning. Then some girl gave a comment like, "We should dress modestly so boys don't get bad thoughts," which I think is from the fifties. I have no control over other's thoughts, and I'm sure even a potato sack of a dress could make anyone think "bad thoughts" if they really wanted.

Sunday School for me was a meeting with all the new move-ins, where we filled out new member sheets, took a ward photo, and set up an appointment with the bishop. I was so tired that morning that I'm sure my photo was a goofy forced smile with my eyes shut. Sacrament meeting I went to go sit by my roommate, but coming from different rooms, she sat down by two guys she knew to her right, and her fiance to her left. I decided to sit in front of her. I left room for others to sit, but no one else sat by me, so I sat alone in my row. Then it was announced that Break-the-Fast would be at 2:30. I found this odd. Usually you break the fast around dinner time because you skip two meals: breakfast and lunch. So, to me it seemed like we skipped breakfast, lunch was from 11-2, and at 2:30 lunch was over, lets break the fast!

Well, I already ate lunch when I got home, and 2:30 was in the middle of my nap time, but knowing my siblings would mock me if I didn't try to socialize, I woke up so I could at least sit outside for the break the fast. After a few minutes this little boy with glasses sat next to me. He said he saw me sitting by myself at church and wanted to talk to me. I wondered: he thinks I have no friends, I'm sitting by myself, I look desperate: his clue that it is time to pounce! He was an accounting major. At least he wasn't a massage therapist (See story about "the Flock") Then he asked what I was doing, and I told him, and about what I did this summer. Then he asked if I was Native American. When I said, "Yes, I am" he proceeded to ask me if I had picked up my money yet this week.

In my head I said, "Ok, I'm done with you."
In person I said, "Well, I'm really tired. I'm going to take my nap now."
and I proceeded to go inside, then left for my brother's house.

Then I went to my sister's for dinner and stayed til 10, when I looked at my phone and realized I missed my 8:15 appointment with my bishop. Oops!

I have high hopes that things will get better in the future.

The Wonderful World of Work

Just so you can get a taste of what I did this summer:

I pretended to look super busy

Hung out and talked a LOT with these fun girls (Saza, Makah; Me, Omaha; Brandy, Hawaiian) Kept cool with this state of the art air conditioning machine!
created my own filing system
These are the cases I used, not all the ones I printed out. My last project on the Cobell case is on the left. Other work about to be recycled on the right.

So, in 10 weeks I:
worked 40 hours a week, had 10 hours of overtime and stayed at work til 3:15am, worked on 9 projects, wrote 5 memos and killed 15 trees.

Communist or Panther?

This summer I spent a LONG 10 weeks in Boulder, Colorado working at the Native American Rights Fund, or NARF.

The work was fine, the city was horrible. (Post to follow once my therapy is over).

However, on my last day we had a party, in which I received this nice jacket. Too bad I couldn't get it before it went to the printers. it said

RED POWER

Wow. It reminds me of the Black Panther Movement. Also, my friend's first thought in hearing about this was, "Sounds like you are a communist."

The Universe Has a Twisted Humor

So, this year alone I have had numerous family and friends get married, caught 5 bouquets, maimed 15 hopeful girls, fell prey to 3 stalkers, set my facebook to private, and have since retired from any sort of catching of flowers. I will now buy them myself should I get the inclination. I think the Universe has punished me by sending me creepy/weirdo/uggo boys

The most violent was my sister's wedding toss. Onlookers were amused, the timid were frightened, one ran in confusion...

This was the first incident. I jumped and fell, lost a shoe. I might have accidentally flashed someone. . .

Stalker #1: Lets call him Divorced Facebooker.

I knew him years ago at a job I had. When we were bored we'd talk. He found me on Facebook, told me he was divorced, and kept trying to talk to me. Then this summer he asked me out...via Facebook message. Super sweet story for the grandkids, eh? I pretended not to see. Then, later on he asked me out again. I told him, "I'm in Colorado working right now." (He was only in Utah for the summer). He then asked me when I got back... I said, a long time from now. He then asked if I was giving him a raincheck. After which I immediately signed out of Facebook. At the mere mention of a friend's upcoming wedding, and the proposed question, "who's going to catch the bouquet if you aren't there?" came yet another facebook message: When are you coming back?

Stalker #2: Lets call him Divorced Old Facebooker

One day, after feeling safe enough to get back onto Facebook after said first facebook stalker, I came upon a message from a man I did not know. He mentioned that he was mormon too, just divorced, and also an alumni from my high school. . . in 1985! I don't remember what else he said, but I do know it prompted me to make my Facebook profile private!

Stalker #3: Flock of Seagulls guy, aka The Flock

My second sunday at church I was asked to go to the Bishop's office so that he could meet me and say hello. I decided to wait outside his office, and having nothing else to do thought it'd be a good chance to read my scriptures. But it was not to be. A certain boy/manchild walked up to me and started talking. Not even sure if he introduced himself. I answered politely, it was church after all, and tried to start reading again when he kept talking. He then asked me if was dating anyone at BYU, and I immediately thought: Do 1) I say yes and keep him away yet alienate any other boy in the ward, and 2) does it matter? I've seen the boys at church... But I panicked and said I wasn't dating. Then he asked if I had a number. What do you say? No, I live an amish lifestyle and am one of the 5 people in American without a cell phone? So, I felt cornered into giving him my number. From then on I planned ways to avoid him. He texted me at 7am, and as a courtesy I sent him a very short reply...12 hours later. Which might have been a mistake since now he knew it was really my number. He called many random times, and even texted again...I ignored them.

Was he a bad guy? Probably not. But there are reasons to not date him.

1) I couldn't stand to listen to his voice. It was high pitched, and he paused in odd places. Ever watch Anchorman? Remember when someone placed a question mark after "I'm Ron Burgundy?" That is how he sounded.

2) He didn't seem that intelligent. When he asked I told him I worked as a law clerk. I could hear him sound it out in his mind, L-l-law cl-cl-cler-clerk! Not sure he knew what that was. He then asked me if I wanted to meet him at 2:30 one day. Confused, because I JUST told him, I said, "No, I work..." He then told me he also went to school in Utah...at the school of massage therapy. (Call me a law snob, but isn't that where 18 year old girls go to school?)

and

3) He was not attractive to me--at all. He was balding and thinning, and to cover it up he spiked his bleached tipped hair, which gave the appearance of horns. It reminded me of the Flock of Seagulls (hence his name), but instead of combing down the middle, it was all coif'd up. Like this (Only with thinner hair):

He was also wearing what I hoped was a cream colored shirt, and the usual slacks, black shoes (but no socks, gross!) And to top his 80s Flock look, he wore a blue denim pinstripe jacket. Be still my heart.

After about 5 tries, he stopped calling. Although when I look around the chapel and see him, he is always staring at me. Creepy.

The irony of our first meeting: I was wearing the dress I wore for my sister's wedding/catching of the bouquet. Touche universe. Touche'.

That's What She Said

So, I was at work today, reading all those cases. And by "reading" I mean talking and by "all those cases", I mean g-chatting with Karly. And she's all, do you have a blog. And I'm like, no way sister. And she's all like, you should. So I'm like, Ok. And here we are. True story.

So, as I sit here in Boulder, carefully planning how many hours a day I would have to work in order for me to leave this place faster, I have decided to waste more time blogging. Who knows if it'll be hilarious A+ or A++. Time will tell.

But, its late, I have work in the morning, where I shall check my email many times. (I really hope no one from work sees this...)

So, here's to an uneventful first blog. I set the bar real high guys!